My Choice New Gang

I think I'm going to get myself a gang. It's going to be choice. I'll win my new boyfriend off a mate in a poker game and then he will belong to me. Which is way better than all that relationship stuff. Blokes are such a hassle when you're always having to behave and negotiate. Of course I'll respect him. Our gang will respect all men. Or at least when we're sober. It's really important to have respect for all and for everyone to know that you do. Which is why I'll write it really big on a wall somewhere. You know. In case we forget. I'm thinking how the money thing is going to work too – and to be honest it's looking way better than having a job. That tax stuff is such a downer. Nope – way better to have a charitable trust. I'll get my accountant and my lawyer who deal with all my businesses - they'll know how it all works. Anything with the word 'trust' in it has got to be a winner with our new neighbours. It'd be great and we could do good like help kids fight better and other cool stuff. Beats fishing or teaching them how to cook or building the kids in some of the harsher parts of town a really choice playground, or working in the community garden. Having a charitable trust means we could have people working for one of our businesses and we could pay a 'donation to our charity' lets say that's their 'membership fee'. I think the new charity tax laws will get about half of it back anyway so it works all round. Who needs workers when you can have volunteers? It'll be like a gym but better: instead of toning their butts, we'd just – be owning them.  I'm thinking one of our businesses will be making macramé pot plant hangers. People like pot plants and we'd be really happy to meet that demand. We'll be needing to sell a few hangers though because a building like the one rented to another charitable trust like mine cost around $40K a year to lease so you'd be wanting to cover the costs with a fair bit of macramé. And if the macramé doesn't cut it I've always got the other businesses but that's commercially sensitive so I won't be discussing that here. Still, finding someone to lease your commercial building right now is about as easy as trying to make sense of anything that comes out of John Banks' mouth so there's bound to be a few community minded people who are willing to be pragmatic about a little negotiation on the rent. Not right in the middle of the CBD though. No sir. That's run by a very small group of mafioso and I'm not messing with those bad boys. They'll charge the same for a run down shop in struggle street in Whangarei as what I could lease in trust fund street (Jervois Rd in Auckland) and then they'll want my daughter. I got the impression that many of the retailers in town were waiting for their landlords to either to die off or run away with a pole dancer and just let the town get on with it. Personally I'd wait for Gerry Brownlee to grow dreads and an organic vege garden before that happens but I guess those working hard in hospitality and retail 7 days a week need to live in hope that one day Whangarei might just get a pulse at the heart and that when it does they'll finally be able to afford the rent. Yup. I hold out really big hopes for the North for groups like mine. We offer a real alternative when the only voices in parliament that could feasibly be asked to speak up for the young and keen, yet aimless, are scrapping it out in political turf wars rather than working on collaborative solutions. Pretty soon it's just going to be the very young, the very old and the gangsters left in this town. We'll be able to rent cheap buildings and we'll all just hang out and feel the respect. Choice.

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