I still walk away!!

The universe is sending me signs – once I may have thought that this meant I had stepped over the boundaries of reality and was deep in magical thinking territory – just a stones throw from nutsville, I now know that it’s just the Law of Attraction (LOA!) working.

The Universe sent me an email last week (even the universe has upgraded – it used to deal in seers, angels and crones) to go to a life enhancing seminar. It told me I was a money magnet and could attract anything I wanted to me. I wondered if a toy boy and obscene wealth were inappropriate things to be willing into my orbit at this point in my life.

I decided not and went along. I have a murky history with new age stuff. I once spent an evening trying to get a friend out of a new age cult where they stroked auras and changed their names to will into their lives the qualities they wished to attract. Apparently they could sense bad vibrations on me – well, ‘Chastity’ could. She said I needed to cleanse the room which I did, all the while thinking she was wearing an awfully short skirt and rather a lot of make up to be willing much that was chaste into her life. She gave me a bell and a ribbon to cleanse with. It was like Bad Jelly got the role of Tinkerbell in the school play – I swished ribbons and tinkled bells while giving my mate the vilest looks I could muster without actually getting myself kicked out and ever since have been slightly allergic to the word ‘vibrations’. Which is a pity, because the Law of Attraction operates on the idea that the vibrations we emit is what we attract back into our lives.

Vibrations equals emotions, so Chris Prime told us, and if we put good vibrations out into the world we get good stuff back – bad vibrations – you guessed it we get only a life of interminable excrement. At this point I was hoping there was no one in the audience whose partner had died or who had a child with cancer – grief tends to do a great job of guilt tripping anyway without suggesting that somehow they attracted all the bad juju into their lives. Although, in a funny way that’s comforting too because if you convince yourself you were somehow responsible for an unfortunate event then by behaving in certain prescribed ways you can avoid it ever happening again. It’s why all great fascist states indulge in victim blaming – it makes the populace so much easier to control, or that much more tempted to buy into an expensive ‘empowerment course’ – for example. Apparently it is only doubt that stops us from achieving anything.

Whether or not the Law of Attraction will provide a passing hot air balloon if I decided to fly from the Harbour Bridge is a factor of my doubt but in my case the Laws of physics would undoubtedly get in the way first. Suggesting to terminally ill people that they are somehow responsible for their illness seems unkind if not entirely irresponsible to me. But if you really believe in the Laws of Attraction you will know that there is no such thing as incurable disease. It is only doubt that prevents us from healing ourselves. I got that from their website. Except the part where life itself is, by its nature, … incurable. We all die. Which is how I came to the sudden and terrible realisation of what my daily mantra actually is. And it’s not: “I love having millions in the bank” as Chris suggested.

Somehow I have taken into my heart the lovely Chinese man on the 30 Seconds TV advert as my new age spiritual leader and I find myself looking at difficult situations and people and thinking “I walk away!” When I come back later and find the situation or the person still incurably unbearable I find myself thinking “See? Still dying! I still walk away!”

I may not win the Polyanna Positive Person award – but it works for me.
Thanks Chris, but… I still walk away!

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