Politicians are not allowed to have sex

Politicians are not allowed to have sex. Ever. Or if they do – it should be very far away from the public eye with their spouse – any other variation on this tends to mean they pay – with their jobs. It’s only fair really – nobody’s mind needs to be forced to go there over your first coffee of the day – some things should be sacred. Richard Worth’s political demise was swifthis website will give you a terse ‘this site is no longer operational’ if you go hunting for his side of the story and he was a political liability; only taking his foot out of his mouth long enough to shoot himself in it.

But was his fast entry into the list of the missing in political action really that fair?

I’m not justifying any glorified prostitution racket that deals, Italian style, in sex for jobs for the girls but surely the women could have handled it better too. So his pick up skills may need some work – I don’t know many women who would think a hot date would be waking up to find an ageing work colleague standing naked at the foot of the bed. I know. Some guys would be amazed by this. But where were the women’s keys or security card? How come he had them? And how is it that it appears to be only the male mind that would think that this approach would work often enough to make it worthwhile anyway? When was the last time you heard of Jenny Shipley getting her kit off and wandering round some young thing’s bedroom late at night in the hopes of getting lucky? When has Helen ever sent a smutty text message? Exactly.

Perhaps it’s a cultural thing or maybe they were different times but these women can’t have been at university or at least flatting during the late ‘80’s and early 90’s. Many of the women I know who were, spent their formative adult years booting unwanted half drunk blokes out of their bedrooms. There was usually the repeat offender who thought that being drunk and nude in some young women’s bed might miraculously increase the chances of him getting laid but they were usually fairly harmless and the better trained males in the house could always be relied on to deal with it. And that’s the thing.

If you wanted it to stop you certainly didn’t keep it secret. You made sure you told everyone, including the offender’s Mum, over a nice cup of tea when she came to check out the new flat. The same goes for text messages. Why hold on to seedy text messages and then just delete them? If you are serious about nipping it in the bud – forward them on to his wife. That would surely take all the fun out of it without it having to play through the whole media charade of faked outrage and indignation and protect the public from ever having to know that politicians have sex. Ever.

Which brings me to weddings. Politicians weddings much like newsreaders weddings are not news – only in Latin America where 70 year old despots marry teenage newsreaders and then use the taxpayers money to throw the party. Lockwood Smith seems to be a good Speaker of the House – lets just leave it at that – we don’t need to be confronted on a Sunday morning with his nuptials or who was on the guest list – although that did provide for some light entertainment to mitigate the shock of having to consider once again the private lives of our political figures. What were they thinking having Diane Foreman in the bridal party? Isn’t inviting Miss Gladwrap – herself a serial bride, to a politician’s wedding just a little like asking Hitler to your Bar Mitzvah? Mr. Brash didn’t seem to have been invited. Nope, I hate to say it but the girls seem to have got off lightly in affairs of the heart or political expediency.

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