Foreskins Forever

Kyle Chapman; white supremacist extraordinaire and former Mayoral candidate for Christchurch has been a busy boy.

He started his career burning down schools and then, for his sins became a social worker before moving on to found the NZ branch of the Hammerskins, a skinhead group bent on furthering the cause of the blighted white race. Their slogan; ‘Hammerskins Forever, Forever Hammerskins’ is catchy and one wonders if they had a brainstorming session to come up with really cool names and then practised chanting to see which one sounded scariest. Rumour has it that the name ‘The Foreskins’ (The Dickheads had apparently been taken) was suggested but that people laughed when they began chanting ‘Foreskins Forever!’ down the streets of Fendalton.

Now the leader of the National Democrats the latest mutation of the National Front, Kyle is intent on setting up a gated community of ‘racial integrity’ on the outskirts of Rangiora.

They’ll have to change the name. Obviously. Aryan Abode sounds nice.

There Kyle hopes his people ‘will find safety in numbers’. He says we must act to build a unified mini-state that we could build up in future to be a base for other like-minded Europeans to come from ‘other dying countries’. That would be other dying countries like… The States? Maybe Kyle’s right. The Canterbury Plains could benefit greatly from a sudden invasion of lots of old southern white guys fleeing from the horror of a President who doesn’t feel the need to sacrifice national ideals like freedom of speech and the upholding of international law in order to achieve national security. It must be truly terrifying to have a president with a brain in charge and they can therefore take comfort and refuge under the leadership of Kyle. This brave new community will have a bar where they can socialise with like-minded skinheads and this will help raise money for worthy projects like countering the evils of cultural diversity. They will find peace, play paintball in the forest in camouflage gear and grow veggies. Not bok choy though. Just potatoes and the odd cauliflower. They will also engage in the revival of anglo culture and traditions. I wondered what these might be. Poetry perhaps – or maypole dancing. That’s part of old Anglo culture. But I suspect it won’t be your garden variety maypole dancing. It will be heavy metal maypole dancing. In jack-boots. Cool.

On Kyle’s website, which kindly offered me a free playstation if I accepted Christ, I browsed the links and began to wonder what could possibly be the attraction for a woman joining this kind of group. Every sensible Kiwi girl will find the idea of her partner in life running round the bush playing paintball all day or at the pub making evil plans slightly less than appealing because they just know who will end up growing the veggies while the blokes are so otherwise engaged. Which is how I ended up at White Aryan Womans Forum, which painfully states; “I must secure an existence for my people and a future for white children…that the beauty of the white Aryan woman should not perish from this earth.” I saw her photo… I hate to break it to her but her exit from the human gene pool would certainly not endanger its aesthetic appeal. Here I found; poetry! Yeah. White supremacist poetry. ‘Cause you’re my woman, and I’m your man – Ain’t nothing neath heaven created so grand. Like when this honkeys holdin your hand’. Nice.You can see why a girl would fall for this. Judging by the deranged and downright disturbing views linked to the National Front’s website where the average IQ of the contributors would be lucky to rival that of a lentil, the problem seems to be not so much a surplus of cultural diversity but more a lack of a genetic one. But hey when you’re hell bent on keeping it racially pure and you run out of first cousins to marry – you’ve still got your siblings.

And that’s why I love gated communities – the real nutters lock themselves up and save us all the bother.

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